paperboats.

page 98.

2012-02-09T23:16:00.002+08:00

flux, n.

The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our feelings for each other change. Our bearings change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature of the shower changes.

Accept this. We must accept this.

-The Lover's Dictionary, David Levithan

dear kahlua,

2012-02-09T01:40:00.001+08:00

Alice: Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.

- Closer

01:21

2012-02-09T01:08:00.000+08:00

off here.

ostranges.

2012-02-06T23:24:00.004+08:00

happy 15th day of Chinese New Year everyone.

erase please.

2012-02-06T02:30:00.003+08:00

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

i shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another island.

- excerpt from If You Forget Me, Pablo Neruda

cover me in rag and bones.

2012-02-06T02:17:00.001+08:00

solitude.

2012-02-05T01:39:00.002+08:00

"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person."

- Oscar Wilde

don't get any big ideas.

2012-02-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

indeed.

2012-01-30T02:25:00.003+08:00

off a softer world.

mmhmm.

2012-01-29T04:06:00.000+08:00

off here.

change.

2012-01-29T04:00:00.001+08:00

we will both feel okay soon enough.

but i will forever be the perpetrator.

the last cigarette.

2012-01-29T03:35:00.002+08:00

i read the most beautiful writing today.

"oh, i was afraid of that."

2012-01-27T19:19:00.001+08:00

off here.

the blue.

2012-01-27T15:34:00.001+08:00

off nat geog.

cho qewt.

2012-01-27T15:20:00.001+08:00

off here.

as jodine reminded,

2012-01-27T15:10:00.001+08:00

having a tattoo on the back is not good.

you tend to forget that it's there,

and that it actually means something so much more.

play pretend.

2012-01-27T15:08:00.001+08:00

off here.

ember.

2012-01-27T13:32:00.002+08:00

off here.

just to linger.

2012-01-27T02:48:00.001+08:00

-

2012-01-26T03:30:00.000+08:00

Ein letztes Mal.

2012-01-26T02:30:00.002+08:00

because i can no longer be.

there's a big hole in my shoe right now.

2012-01-25T13:30:00.001+08:00

They say a piece of paper can only be folded a maximum of 7 times.
How many times can the heart be folded such that it becomes too constricted to feel?

?

2012-01-24T15:12:00.001+08:00

why

ஏன்

warum

क्यो

为什么

simple gestures.

2012-01-23T02:05:00.000+08:00

A Good Beginning.

2012-01-21T04:33:00.000+08:00

restless.

2012-01-14T23:49:00.003+08:00

off here.

maybe they do.

2012-01-14T03:01:00.001+08:00

"treading carefully is difficult

as long as we don't live isolated from others

it's really hard not to step out of the house

and feel those tugs and pulls

those rising highs of joy

and crushing lows of sadness

people make the place don't they"

-manoj, over a convo on fb.

somewhere.

2012-01-14T02:17:00.002+08:00

being vague is worse than lying.

learn this fact now and never repeat that mistake.

don't stub it out.

2012-01-11T00:20:00.002+08:00

i've uploaded the last of the photos (that i want to) on fb for the project (which i have not quite decided if it has changed my life or not).

the comments and likes will soon cease.

i've smoked the last gold leaf which holds the taste of Sri Lanka and memories which could still make me break down if i don't tread carefully with my amygdala.

all in the same day.

coincidence? yes very much.

in a not-so-distance future, all 20 of us will completely move on from what Maalu Maalu Lanka held for each and everyone of us.

but for now,

loop.

2012-01-09T02:41:00.001+08:00

want.

2012-01-05T22:42:00.001+08:00

off here.

i could sit in here all day.

this is the new year.

2012-01-02T19:40:00.001+08:00

"Make your mistakes, next year and forever."

-Neil Gaiman.

let's take shots.

2011-12-27T00:31:00.006+08:00

I have slept with you

all night long while

the dark earth spins

with the living and the dead.

and on waking suddenly

in the midst of the shadow

my arm encircled your waist.

Neither night nor sleep

could separate us.

-excerpt from Night on the Island, Pablo Neruda

translated by Donald D. Walsh

2011-12-26T05:54:00.000+08:00

dull, resigned way.

Ágætis byrjun.

2011-12-22T16:33:00.005+08:00

Maalu Maalu Lanka was probably the best thing that happened to me in NUS.

I was stuck in a school and a guesthouse for nearly two weeks out of the 17 days we were there so I can't say that I've seen much of Sri Lanka,

although I can say I've seen the hearts of many, good or bad.

It is exactly 24 hours since I boarded the plane back to Singapore and right now, I am a lot sadder than I had expected myself to be.

I must have left a piece of me behind,

along with John Player Gold Leaf and Arack and Apple Gin.

And most of all,

the loveliest smiles.

the sweetest things.

2011-12-18T00:38:00.000+08:00

Farewells.
Today the belief of being able to handle them like a boss just came crashing down on me.
I'm sure it isn't the teaching I am gonna miss.
But the lovely smiles,laughter and giggling coupled with the cutest hand gestures I will miss dearly.
I saw Salini crying when it was nearly time for us to leave for most probably forever and I went up to her and gave her a couple of hugs and told her "it's okay, I'll write to you."
I even thought, that silly girl.
The next thing I knew, I was sobbing to Janani.
I didn't even know where to hide those tears anymore
I know, even I was shocked.
The prospect of possibly not being able to see these most beautiful children again really broke me.
I'm not sure when I'll have such a strong emotion again but all I know for now is that these really one of life's sweetest moments.
I will never be able to get this back again.

hands.

2011-12-09T17:29:00.000+08:00

I was trying to teach a Sri Lankan girl to use both hands on the keyboard.
Picked up her left hand and placed it on the keyboard.
Her hands, they might be the roughest hand I've ever held.
She's only 16.

Y SO QEWT.

2011-11-30T02:06:00.001+08:00

off here.

once upon a modest mouse.

2011-11-26T03:54:00.000+08:00

off here.

is wurve.

2011-11-21T00:37:00.002+08:00

off here.

the end's not near, it's here.

2011-11-14T23:39:00.002+08:00

so quick.

i need to rewind to better times,

like when i was 18 and the nov/dec of being 20.

rocking good times,

times when i could tie my hair up on bad hair days.

times when nothing mattered.

when i didn't treasure my school breaks enough.

my mom just walked past my room and we had this exchange:

she: 我要打你了。

me: 谁怕谁！

she: 是lor，我会变老，你会长大。

changes.

new discoveries.

2011-11-14T01:32:00.001+08:00

Saddest Song from Jed Wells on Vimeo.

to come true.

2011-11-12T03:08:00.000+08:00

LOL MAXIMUM.

2011-11-07T15:35:00.000+08:00

page 15.

2011-11-07T02:45:00.002+08:00

"They were doing it with passion, and Jean-Marc recalled his old theory: there are three kinds of boredom: passive boredom: the girl dancing and yawning; active boredom: kite-lovers; and rebellious boredom: young people burning cars and smashing shop window."

-Identity, Milan Kundera

neon.

2011-10-29T01:43:00.001+08:00

off here.

this is what a wedding gown should be like.

bittersweetness.

2011-10-27T01:08:00.002+08:00

Batam, September 2011

temporal.

2011-10-26T02:05:00.002+08:00

so hold me, you know this wasn't planed.

hold me close, you'll hold.

hold me now, to keep it all in sand.

hold fire, you'll hold.

-Washed out, You and I

primary colours.

2011-10-25T22:41:00.001+08:00

Amsterdam, June 2011

supersampler.

could you

2011-10-23T02:48:00.002+08:00

off here.

silhouettes.

2011-10-13T23:42:00.005+08:00

mother and her curious kitten.

taken by matin, edited by me.

ar beh kun.

2011-10-12T00:29:00.003+08:00

i heard the sound of feet shuffling in slippers and turned my head towards my room door not sure whether to expect my grandmother or mother.

i first sighted something blue: ahmah's slippers.

i looked up at her and she looked into my too-brightly-lit room with squinted eyes, right at me and lifted a finger and pointed towards me (like you would when a kid is naughty) and said:

ar beh kun.

and then continued shuffling her way to the kitchen.

oh she's so cute!

let me out.

2011-10-08T01:29:00.001+08:00

Paris, July 2011

i just wanna play till my heart is content.

ah human beings,

such greedy creatures.

2011-10-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

under the $5 tembusu tree,

2011-09-27T02:30:00.002+08:00

a union of two happy hearts took place.

one day they will be living by a lil italian house by the sea,

with a sail boat docked within metres from the porch,

and the wedding band taken off when a sail takes place because the salt water will cause corrosion,

simply because free spirits shall always be.

it really felt just like ytd when we spoke about matters of the adolescent's hearts in the 420;

consequences of light wind conditions.

cliche phrases are not so cliche the older you get.

2011-09-21T04:08:00.001+08:00

my heart's a stereo.

1989.

2011-09-12T15:58:00.000+08:00

off Dead Poet's Society.

nein.

2011-09-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

paw.

2011-09-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

qt why aren't you mine. ):

on mars.

2011-09-04T01:57:00.002+08:00

i heard a story that goes something like this from my mem tutor:

A man with amnesia was visited by his father daily.

and he would always question his father, "why do you look so old?"

he could never grasp the fact that his father was growing older each day.

one day, he was informed that his father had passed away.

as with everything else,

he could not remember this new fact and kept questioning why wasn't his father visiting.

two weeks or so aft his father's passing,

the caretakers heard furious rummaging of things in the man's room.

they rushed to his room and asked him what the problem was.

he said "I've lost something but i just can't seem to recall what it is."

how do things get so fucking sad?

the only question i asked tt day:

what book was it that you said the story's from?

ans: An Anthropologist on Mars by Oliver Sacks.

2011-08-30T16:08:00.001+08:00

off here.

some legacies must end.

2011-08-30T14:39:00.001+08:00

closer, not.

2011-08-30T03:43:00.002+08:00

Dan: Deception is brutal. I'm not pretending otherwise.

Alice: How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?

Alice: Not good enough.

Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.

Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give in to this, or I can resist it." And I don't know when your moment was but I bet you there was one. I'm going.

Dan: It's not safe out there.

Alice: Oh, and it's safe in here?

Dan: What about your things?

Alice: I don't need "things".

Dan: Where will you go?

Alice: Disappear.

-Closer, 2004

was once delight.

2011-08-26T02:44:00.000+08:00

off brief lives.

an excerpt.

2011-08-25T01:42:00.002+08:00

Monica,

the tea things are taking over,

the cups are as big as bubble cars

they throttle round the room,

the tin-openers skate on the greasy plates

by the light of the silvery moon.

The biscuits are having a party

they're necking in our bread bin,

that's jazz you hear in the salt cellars

but they don't let non-members in.

The egg spoons had our eggs for breakfast,

the sauce bottle's asleep in our bed,

I overheard the knives and forks

It won't be long, they said

It won't be long, they said,

and it wasn't.

- Summer with Monica, Roger McGough

old is gold.

2011-08-21T23:54:00.001+08:00

what a handsome hair-do.

noun.

2011-08-21T01:58:00.003+08:00

baby,

when used as a term of endearment,

becomes such an ugly thing/word.

awesomeness.

2011-08-16T01:11:00.001+08:00

naya.

2011-08-15T00:32:00.004+08:00

off WCSR 2011

after a good 10 months,

despite ~~shitty~~ shifty/light/no winds,

currents tt causes reverse movements to boats,

sun-burnt skin,

strips of bruises from knees to shin,

i'm out again.

a collection.

2011-08-12T18:06:00.002+08:00

Always Marry An April Girl.

2011-08-07T03:18:00.004+08:00

i have found the perfect bridesmaid's speech (sorta) for my sister's wedding.

not that she's getting married yet,

although that is one of the most popular questions amongst my friends.

Praise the spells and bless the charms,

I found April in my arms.

April golden, April cloudy,

Gracious, cruel, tender, rowdy;

April soft in flowered languor,

April cold with sudden anger,

Ever changing, ever true--

I love April, I love you.

-Ogden Nash

in the mean time,

we wait.

we own the sky.

2011-07-30T02:31:00.001+08:00

"Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I don't go along with that. The memories I value most, I don't ever see them fading."

- Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro

truth.

2011-07-30T02:23:00.000+08:00

oh rosie! (and kewtie sloth!)

2011-07-27T03:56:00.002+08:00

2010 pirelli calendar by terry richardson.

know how they always say to end your day with a high?

yeah,

this is mine.

take.

2011-07-24T16:20:00.001+08:00

I'm hanging on to the last few hours whereby I can still say
"I was in London last week."
The mere thought of being away is just exhilarating.
These feelings...
don't go!

nagini is a bitch.

2011-07-15T18:44:00.001+08:00

LOVE OKAY.

for the clueless.

2011-07-15T16:29:00.002+08:00

or maybe,

i was thought to be the clueless one.

2011-07-14T01:47:00.003+08:00

oh yeah.

marching bands of manhattan.

2011-07-14T01:30:00.002+08:00

off fuck yeah, tattoos

definitely one of my favourites.

don't you let me go tonight.

2011-07-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

don't want to leave on a jet plane.

just want to be back again.

edit- 14/7

i've figured it out.

i was telling ashley i dreaded going back to singapore,

even had sudden moments of anxiety,

but just couldn't pin point the words to it.

now that i'm seated at the glass dining table once more,

swiping my 1, 2, 3 or 4 fingers on the macbook,

it's the overwhelming familiarity that's so instinctive,

that makes me feel like i never left at all,

as if the past one half months never existed.

something up in my head fits me from 25th may directly into july 13th.

like how the brain figures gaps in words.

bypassing the 40 odd days tt feels equivalent to a night's sleep.

Rivers and Roads.

2011-07-08T08:54:00.003+08:00

the first time an opening act really caught my attention.

and tonight made me recall why DCFC was my super ulti fav band in the world and occasionally still is.

bluish

2011-07-07T07:13:00.003+08:00

i've always lived in the past,

reliving all the memories over and over.

these days,

i've realised it's really my youth that i'm holding so tightly to.

holding on,

holding out.

again.

2011-07-03T09:16:00.001+08:00

i really like her accompaniment.

^_^

2011-06-26T05:30:00.001+08:00

owls can have small eyes too.

Nice.

2011-06-23T06:17:00.005+08:00

searching the 30cm radius round my feet with every few steps.

carefully selecting and picking the ones promising a successful attempt.

a greedy heart filling more than what only two hands can hold.

flinging out to sea one at a time.

at a rate quicker than they were picked.

repeat.

my arm now aches.

i am in a pebble skipper's paradise.

with regards to these days.

2011-06-18T04:56:00.001+08:00

What a life I lead when the sun breaks free

As a giant torn from the clouds

-fleet foxes.

shoemaker of dreams.

2011-06-17T07:38:00.003+08:00

"We are all flowing with the eternal tide, and of the eternal tide only is there no end."

-Salvatore Ferragamo

page 50.

2011-06-14T06:04:00.003+08:00

'Everybody's youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness.'

-The Diamond As Big As The Ritz, F. Scott Fitzgerald

no widows disappear.

2011-06-13T06:30:00.004+08:00

my constant on train rides, pre bed-time, anything,

for as long as i don't tire of it.

yes i am a tourist.

2011-06-10T05:13:00.005+08:00

Prague made me dislike the fact that i was such a tourist in that place.

the over crowding,

the endless throng of people on Charles Bridge...

but today,

i've never been so happy to be a tourist.

the two+two hour bus and cogwheel train ride up was just a light rain and fog fog fog.

my high spirits of looking forward to snow was slowly being sucked into the fog like a dementor's kiss.

we reached Jungfraujoch (aka top of europe and via a tour) and i had a tourist-time-of-my-life.

i stepped out into the snow to be greeted with an azure blue sky and snow capped mountains and snow snow snow!

when it comes to things as such, no photography (by me) will ever be able to do it justice.

and yes affirmative,

snow is just like ice kachang before you put on all that colourful syrup.

tubing, sledging, i just wanted to do them over and over!

i'm quite sure i was the happiest living thing at that 3545m.

if i weren't a tourist,

i probably would never have gone there.

so just for today,

especially today,

i shall keep on basking in this sweet delight.

soon...

2011-05-31T15:46:00.001+08:00

page 26.

2011-05-28T01:44:00.002+08:00

"In a different world, we could have been real friends."

-Everything Is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer

01:17

2011-05-24T01:16:00.002+08:00

i have just decided to spend the rest of the night to label my last 100 posts.

page 156 (and as with many things)

2011-05-24T01:07:00.004+08:00

You can't go home again because home has ceased to exist except in the mothballs of memory.

- Travels With Charley, John Steinbeck

2011-05-19T02:07:00.003+08:00

heart it aches.

2011-05-19T01:13:00.006+08:00

bon iver,

i get this achy-breaky-heart feeling whenever i listen to their songs.

and it keeps me going back to them,

makes me wanna love them forever.

their songs are possibly the most beautiful things heartaches have ever produced.

possibly.

what would van gogh do?

2011-05-14T02:57:00.002+08:00

off here.

clip clip clip.

2011-05-14T02:19:00.003+08:00

i suddenly recalled a conversation i had with a female someone lately.

or was it a male someone?

no i think it was a female someone.

about how our fathers suck at clipping our nails and always almost clipping into the flesh and how we'd pull our fingers away only to lose at the mini tug of war of hands.

trouble now is,

i can't remember who i had this conversation with.

juli was it you?

haunting melodies.

2011-05-10T01:52:00.001+08:00

and btw,

2011-05-03T01:59:00.003+08:00

last night i dreamt tt kalla was wearing what Cherie Currie (center) wore.

and something about ahben saying that his girlfriend is very hot.

(or maybe that's false memory but he would prolly agree so same diff)